What In The Wide Wide World of Sports Is Going On Here?

"Look, I got into this because I like getting people to like sports. And I've turned into a PR man for punks and thugs. And any atrocity, no matter how ridiculous, or hideous, or childish, it doesn't matter. I make it sports. Ten-cent bagman whacks a skater's leg with a crowbar, that's sports. Second round draft pick gets cranky in a Houston bar, and that's sports. And let's not forget the mother of all great sports stories - a double homicide in Brentwood." -Casey McCall (Peter Krause), Sports Night (1998)

Did I miss something? Am I that far out of the loop? Am I just not cool? Or is the image of the clean-cut, all-American, sports hero going right out the window?

Seriously, I just don't get it anymore. There are a few things in the world of sports world that just boggle my mind. There are some behavioural issues in sports right now, and they need to be addressed.

Now, I'm not too far removed from my time as an athlete. I stopped playing competitive sports in 2004 (ok, the last competitive game I played in was in 2002), though I'm still active for recreational purposes. And I'm willing to bet things have not changed that much in the last three years.

Though, I will start with my old-fashioned views.

Tattoos. Now, I'm all for freedom of expression, but when did tattoos become a marker? You would be hard-pressed to find an active athlete today who does not have a tattoo. And I really don't have an issue with the tattoos in themselves, I have as issue with the behaviour that becomes associated with them-- and that is where it falls into this rant.

The strutting and showing off of muscles and tattoos is the core of everything that is wrong with the common-day athlete. It's all attitude. When you start showing off your body, it speaks volumes of your insecurities. Nobody is interested in how tough you think you are, and your willingness to step up to the needle for redecoration. We're also not interested in how much you bench. Really, who cares.

Tattoos and muscles have nothing to do with you ability on the field. Take it from a guy who has never-- and will never-- have dollar bills waved in his general direction.

Your 45 tattoos, and your ability to bench 600+ pounds will not help you to stop a hockey puck, they will not help you shoot a three-pointer, and they will not help you hit a baseball. Your ability to succeed in sport is dependent on something every scout looks for... they're called intangibles. It's all about your mind. Do you have good hand-eye coordination? Can you read the play? How do you respond in the face of adversity? Quite simply, can you play? That is what will keep you in the game.

Like it or not, your ability to bench 600+ pounds might actually hinder you. Your body was not intended to be maxed out like that. This is why we see so many people out with pulled muscled and cramps-- you body just can't operate in that way. Look at old-time players. Rarely missed a day. Wally Pipp missed one day-- and Lou Gehrig fought through headaches, broken bones, and those painful hangnails for the next 2,100+ games.

Muscles and tattoos are only for show, so stop acting all tough or bad-ass because you've destoyed your body.

...and speaking of just for show...

Celebrations. Stop that! We don't care if you can dance. Nobody has EVER made a sports team solely based on their ability to bust a move. However, players have been cut by teams for choosing the wrong moment to get jiggy with their bad selves.

Really, you just made a great play. That's nice. Now go do it again. There is still a game to be played.

Wayne Gretzky never celebrated a goal-- with the exception of when he broke Gordie Howe's record-- and in rare occurances like that, it's acceptable. Jim Brown never celebrate a touchdown with a little two-step, and Dick Butkus was too busy trying to rip the player's head off to stand up and jive-- and I don't think his knees could handle it, anyways.

But what really cracks me up, is in a preseason game, a marginal player on some NFL roster makes a tackle after a two yard gain, gets up and starts showboating for cheers, like he has just been annointed king of the world.

What are you celebrating? It's a successful play by the offense (they gained yards), in a meaningless game. So, why?

That's what I thought. End it.

Social Behaviour. In the past month, two NFL players have been involved in public conflicts at nightclubs. One of them is now dead.

Being an athlete is tough. You have to make a few more personal decisions than others. And, just like in a game, you have to be aware of the situation.

Here's the thing, as a player progresses to the upper levels of the development system they are given classes on how to conduct themselves in public.

I have been through several... like everytime I changed teams, I had to sit down with coaches, managers, and local police and pretty much listen to a lecture.

Maybe I was lucky that I changed teams so often, because I was getting lectured personally, as opposed to the team meeting at the start of the season.

And in these meetings they pretty much tell you all the details: the hot spots for problems, any recent problems there have been, they even tell you the age of consent for where you are living.

That last one makes people laugh because I can ring off the age of consent for several states and provinces, but they really leave no stone unturned. And it's usually all covered in the team rules.

So, it makes me scratch my head when you hear of a player getting hit with a paternity suit, or being arrested for a bar fight. They pretty much told you it would happen, they told you how to avoid it... and you did it anyways.

And with this becoming a more common occurance, I have a feeling you're going to start seeing a lot more morals clauses appearing in contracts. Hollywood has them for actors-- Wayne Rodgers left M*A*S*H over a morals clause. And I'm fairly sure major sports contracts have them, too. But it's only a matter of time before the clauses become bigger and bigger, and with it more and more public.

Being an athlete is not an invitation to do as you please. You want to be remembered for something-- express yourself properly:

"This afternoon, an extraordinary young man named Roland Shepard made what had to have been an excruciating decision. He said he wasn't playing football under a Confederate flag. Six of his teammates then chose not to let Shepard stand alone. And I choose to join them at this moment. In the history of the South, there's much to celebrate. And that flag is a desecration of all of it. It's a banner of hatred and seperatism. It's a banner of ignorance and violence and a war that pitted brother against brother, and to ask young black men and women, young Jewish men and women, Asians, Native Americans, to ask Americans to walk beneath its shadow is a humiliation of irreducible proportions. And we all know it. Tennessee Western has produced some outstanding alumni in the last hundred years. People of wisdom and vision. Strength and compassion... ...In the meantime, God go with you, Roland Shepard and you six Southern Gentlemen of Tennessee. God's not done with any of you yet." -Isaac Jaffe (Robert Guillaume), Sports Night (1998)

So, there you have it. I don't get it, I probably never did. Maybe I was just too weel-behaved to be a good athlete... or maybe I got where I did by keeping my nose clean-- and I just lacked the God-given ability to continue on to the next level.

But then again, maybe I'm not through yet. You never know what tomorrow brings. I got a lucky break in college with a player leaving a team. Maybe in my work in the future another break awaits me... and then you can say you read the blog of a professional athlete.

I just hope I'm remembered for the good things.