Once Again, From the State of Confusion
I'm still waiting for someone to wake me up, and tell me it was only a dream. Really, this is like one of those dreams where nothing makes sense-- can I just hope that this is all a dream... kinda like the storyline of St. Elsewhere?
I know that no matter where you go there are insanely stupid laws, but for some reason Omaha, and the State of Nebraska in general, seem to be saturated with them. Maybe they're attempting to have depth in something, because the genepool sure is shallow... or maybe this is a result of a genepool as deep as the sandbar the natives call the Platte River.
But in the past 2 days I have learned of 3 laws that either make you scratch your head, or that the enforcement of makes you believe that there is not much to do around here.
Did you know... that you can be cited by the Omaha Police Department for chewing gum while walking within citing limits?
Perhaps, we should be amazed that some people are able to walk and chew gum at the same time. But seriously, when did Omaha become a part of Singapore?
Did you know... that when the city-wide smoking ban goes into effect next month, that if you witness anyone smoking in a "smoke-free" area, you are instructed to call 911 to notify the police of the violation.
OK, the locals are just nodding right now about this... but those of you not from here are probably laughing your asses off. Yes, you read that correctly, the violation of the smoking ban is an emergency situation. It is a life-threatening situation... 20 years in the making... and it needs to be addressed immediately.
Now, I had my mountain bike stolen from a village park (in Illinois) when I was in 5th grade. Did I call 911? No. I called the village police department's non-emergency line to report my stolen bike. Suprisingly within an hour, a police officer responded to my house, took down the report-- and they actually found my bike (in perfect condition) a couple of weeks later.
Is it just me, or is stealing a bike a bigger crime than smoking in public? You see where I am going with this? Don't bog down 911 dispatchers with this crap about somebody polluting their lungs in a restarant. Call your mommy and her take care of it instead... or if you really feel the need to get the police involved, call the non-emergency number.
...and when the nice police officer is done eating his doughnut, drinking his coffee, and smoking his cigarette in the five-square-foot box he is allowed to do so in, he will come take the cigarette from this person who has violated the city ordinance, walk outside and finish the smoke himself.
If you're going to make such a big deal about it, why not make it a capital offence? Give 'em the death penalty. No, seriously, if you claim they are killing you with second-hand smoke, that's murder... and murderers get the death penalty-- do you want to go for irony? New method of execution, take 'Old Sparky', place it in the five-square-foot box where smoking is legal, and let every prison guard, police officer, judge, vigilante, or even citizen who needs a C.E.O. (Cancer Enhancement Opportunity) stand around him blowing second-hand smoke in his face. If that doesn't work, take an entire pack of smokes, put them all in his mouth and make him smoke the whole pack at once.
Moving on....
This one is my favourite. Did you know... that if you wish to carry a concealed weapon in the State of Nebraska, you must also carry a licence distinguishing that you can legally carry said weapon out of sight. However, did you also know that if you keep your weapon in plain sight, you need no licence to carry your weapon?
Why is this is a law? Forget the shoulder holsters... forget the t-shirt that reads: "Have Gun, Will Travel"... just wear a gun belt like Marshall Dillon in Dodge. Let everyone know you have a gun, and there is no problem-- in fact, nobody is going to harass you.
If a man with a concealed weapon confronts a man with an AK-47 on his shoulder, who do you think is going to be the quicker draw? The only man who gets the better of the man with the AK-47 is Mongo from Blazing Saddles.
There are some serious issues out there in the world that need to be addressed. I'm not attempting to downplay the serious nature, or even mock the law. I just think we need to slow down and think it through.
Hey, if you can be irrational about this... so can I.
posted by Sam @ 11:41 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
People have started calling 911 already and the ban does not go into effect until 12 AM Monday. I bet the anti-smoking brigade has already scheduled their forces to man as many local establishments as possible with their dialing finger poised over the send button to report illegal smoking.
This whole situation stinks worse than Dom DeLuise walking out of a gas station restroom.
I am a non-smoker, though I used to smoke, and still light up the occaisional cigar (for special occaisions only-- usually births). And while I had no problems when I quit smoking, I was never addicted.
There are people out there who are addicted to tobacco, and yet we are doing nothing to help them, we're just telling them where they can't do this.
Now, I hate second-hand smoke the same as the next person, but I still have no right to tell anyone what they can and can't do, or where they can or can't go.
Did it use to bother me that I'd leave a bowling alley smelling like cigarette smoke? Yes. But I also understood that if I wanted to go bowling, it was just something I was going to have to deal with... just like the possibility that all the lanes would be booked.
What we have just done is turned cigarette smoking into marijana smoking. Yet, it's not illegal to possess cigarettes. Now, people who NEED a smoke, have to go out of their way to not offend someone else-- which means all the smokers huddle around each other in some corner of the earth, looking like they're passing a dutchie around.
And while I am not supportting the notion that my lungs or anyone else's lungs should be exposed to "dirty air", it's a hypocrisy-- we do not want to be inconvenienced, so we are incoveniencing others.
And of course, some overzealous Sam Safety (probably the same people who complain when a TV show "inappropriate") is going to call in every single infraction... and will use 911 to do so.
Besides, by the time the police respond, the cigarette will have been smoked-- so where is the evidence that someone was smoking?
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