I Just Don't Get It: A Social Conscience Editorial

...The boat must have left me behind.

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick pleaded 'not guilty' today to federal charges involving dogfighting.

Shock-horror. Who didn't see that coming?

I'm not going to go into detail about the case. I'm not going to talk about how athletes seem to think laws don't apply to them, or that they can buy their way out of trouble.

What I want to ask is-- what is the point? What possible reason could there be for watching dogs fight? It's cruel, barbarric, and inhumane. So, why?

It is in excusable for anyone to turn anyone or anything else into a killing machine. Violence is a problem in this world, and it's not just human-on-human.

So, I want to know-- and I need your help-- what possible reason there could be for any of the following topics.

World, help me out.

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What gives men any reason to abuse their lovers? Stop beating the tar out of each other!

Why would anyone want to videotape their intimate moments? Those a personal moments, so what purpose does it serve to set up a camera for it?

While we're on the subject: what is the point of pornography?

What is the point of a tattoo? It is just ink, defacing your body. Big deal.

Abortion: If you're going to do the deed, why should you get a mulligan. If you can't keep your pants on, there is a risk you run-- and that risk is parenthood. That is a two way street-- both of you (and it takes two to 'tango'), if you're going to have sex, then you both need to take responsibility for the result of that action.

Irreconsilable Differences: People don't change that much after you get married, had you dated, you would know that person a lot better, understand them, tolerate the differences, and you'd be happy. Irreconsiblable differences means you're a quitter.

Why is poker so popular? Why is it on ESPN more often than actual sports?

Gambling and Betting: If you want to be rich, work! Quit looking for an easy way out-- the odds are against you.

Why do people see Barack Obama's lack of political experience seen as a negative for the presidency? Have you looked at the robots roaming around Washington, D.C. lately? Lack of political experience-- or more accurately, the lack of brainwashing by a political party-- is a very good thing for the presidency. The President needs to be open-minded, knowledgable, and most of all a diplomat.

Do people ever read before signing on the dotted line? Why do we feel we've been duped, when the details are all right there in front of you?

What is up with instant results? Instant coffee, instant replay, instant messaging, instant rice... why is the world in such a hurry? Instant messaging is possbily the only instance (pun intended) when we NEED that instant gratification.

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I leave you on that note... giving you a few days to get back to me, as I seem to have covered most of the topics that might come up in the next year. Get back to me when you can.

...and I'll give you a hint on the above interrogatives: gratification is not an acceptable answer-- look for an honset answer.

Fighting Irrationality with Irrationality

OK, so I'm a self-described master of irrationality-- but rarely do I take it too far... at least, I like to think I don't...

OK, let's put it this way, if you do something so irrational that I take offence-- you've done quite well for yourself-- relatively speaking of course. I mean, there are some thoughts and actions so irrational that the only way for me to combat them is to leave behind my irrational, radical ways and come back to common sense.

Take the public smoking ban of Omaha. This week the ban saw it's first challenge in court-- Cougar Lanes, just about 5 miles from where I am, has been ruled to be in compliance with the smoking ban.

At issue is a lounge within the bowling alley. Cougar Lanes maintains that the lounge (I believe 'the Sahara Lounge') is it's own separate facility, a 'stand-alone' bar, and thus open to public smoking. Anti-smokers claim that because the lounge and bowling alley operate under one liquor licence and under one roof, that smoking should be banned. The non-compliance claim also cites an opening between the alley and the lounge does not completely serarate the two facilities.

Now, I know I've touched on this issue once before (28 September 2006 -- Once Again, From the State of Confusion), but I need to renew my objection.

Nowhere does anyone have the right to thrust their ideals unto another person. The smoking ban is definately not on the same level as racial segregation, but you're meddling very close to that line. Now, someone is flipping out right now-- 'How can you compare racism to smoking?'.

I'm not. I said it's getting close.

The difference is that smoking is a choice. It is free will to light up a cigarette, cigar, or pipe. However, to exclude someone because of the choice they made would be like a Christian telling a Hebrew, a Muslim, a Mormon, a Buddhist, or an Aethiest they can not participate in something because of their faith. That, too, is based on a choice-- something that can be helped.

This is not the Crusades. This is a case of someone thinking they are better than someone else. This is another case of NIMBY, no different than dictating where a sex-offender can live (24 October 2005 -- If Not In Your Backyard, Then Where?).

I scoff at the fact that people are are so over-the-top about this that they actually call the police about the smoking ban-- not just calling the police... USING 911! I would love to be the dispatcher who gets a phone call from someone complaining about another person smoking in publice. I would laugh that person off the phone so hard, I'd be fired before I hung up. It is a non-emergency, like a cat up a tree, or loud music next door.

(OK, so much for being rational.)

The reality of the situation is that I compare the people who complain about public smokers to the arrogant bastard at the airport who harasses an airline attendant about catching an earlier flight or moving from a center seat to an aisle seat. You bought your ticket, live with it.

Perhaps a little tolerance is in order. You have to understand that just about everyone is going to do something you don't agree with. But the honus is not on you to change them. The honus is for you to protect yourself.

I suggest non-violent protest. If you are upset that a can of tuna comes from a company that does not have dolphin-safe practices-- buy another brand of tuna. If you're displeased that a bowling alley is attached to a bar where people smoke-- go to one of the other 742 bowling alleys in the city. It's not that difficult.

As a non-smoker, I'm not bothered when others smoke around me. Unless they blow smoke in my face. In all honesty, I see second-hand drinking as a more imminent danger to my health than second-hand smoke... and by second-hand drinking, I mean drunk driving.

Really, if you inhale some second-hand smoke, go home and eat an extra head of broccoli. Besides, how did you ever surive the 60s and 70s when just about everyone smoked?

Or perhaps you should also realize that you are at risk of cancer by simply setting foot outside your door. That's right, the sun causes cancer, too. Maybe you should boycott going outside-- or take it another step further: boycott God-- he created the sun.

(Oh come on, now-- you can't expect me to be rational for an entire blog entry, can you?)

The Sounds of the Game

It is no secret that I enjoy sports. In my twenty-six years on this planet, I have been blessed with the ability to play hockey, soccer, and baseball at various levels. I take a great interest in those sports, and a few others to lesser degrees. With that interest comes being a fan-- and with that the viewing and listening to of games.

I grew up listening to Chicago Blackhawks hockey games-- road games on TV, home games on the radio (thank you very much, Bill Wirtz-- you cheap bastard). Until this past season the Blackhawks had a very unique broadcasting situation for the modern day. For their road games, the Blackhawks used to simulcast. This meant that you could heard Pat Foley call the games on both TV and radio. Being a radio broadcaster, Foley still had to be descriptive with his words, for those of us who couldn't see the game. There was no meaningless banter, just the game and information.

Broadcasts have gone to crap through ESPN and FOX. Nobody wants to listen to Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan relive their playing days... I take that back, Cincinnati Reds fans want to listen to Morgan (because well, all they have is their past), but still NOBODY wants to listen to McCarver.

Beyond that-- who the hell are Ken Rosenthal and Peter Gammons? Why do we care about money and personal issues with the players? These two guys are responsible for more rumours thatn anyone else, and it has created a monster within the game. The game is no longer about what is going on on the field to them.

It's almost as bad as when I had to listen to Harry Caray call Cubs games when I was little. Had it not been for the pictures, you wouldn't have a clue what is going on with the game, or that there was even a game being played.

So, let's return to when it was a game-- the way it is supposed to be, the game between the lines.

Twice this season I have had the experience of listening to a couple of the greats. Two guys, who home fans get to listen to everyday-- but being in Omaha, I miss out on. Vin Scully and Harry Kalas.

Thanks to Cox Communications free preview of MLB Extra Innings, I was able to listen to Vin Scully... though it happened purely by accident. I was tuning in to watch the Rockies (my second favourite NL team, for those of you who are about to say 'I thought you were a Cardinals fan'). They just happened to be in Los Angeles, where Vin Scully has been since 1958 (Scully actully began with the Dodgers in 1950, in Brooklyn-- meaning he's been with them since before my parents were born).

To my amazement, Scully was calling the game solo-- and he never ran out of things to say. OK, Joe Morgan never runs out of things to say... but you wish he would. Better yet about Scully, none of it was about trade rumours or contracts-- it was informational, historical. It was at that point that I realized that I had been missing out on something special.

Then tonight, ESPN was in Philadelphia, where Jon Miller (who I'd have more respect for if he wasn't teamed with Morgan for ESPN) had Kalas as a guest. Kalas has been with the Phillies since 1971 and broadcasting MLB since 1965. Kalas, like Scully, has a great voice-- never too excited, a sound for the ages.

What the world is missing out on, is the great voices of sports... the sounds of the game. I openly list my influences in broadcasting as Foley, Bob Uecker, and Jack Buck. I have since added Scully and Kalas to the list. Even more ironic, is that my dad says I'm missing out on the man Foley cites as his biggest influence-- Lloyd Pettit-- Dan Kelly and Foster Hewitt.

So as I venture into the real world, I can only hope that someday I will be as recognized as Scully, Kalas, Buck, Pettit, Hewitt, and Mike Emerick-- not Gary Thorne, Chris Berman, John Madden, or John Sterling.

Blowing Up So You Don't Have To

I suppose I'm due for my annual patriotic rant... but I think I'll break just a little with the tradition.

OK, I'll get nostolgic with you for a moment-- as I think back to my days as a wee lad in suburban Chicago. Independence Day used to be a lot of fun for me. It used to start with the village parade-- which I was usually in, either as an athlete (soccer or baseball) representing the town, or as a member of the middle school band. If I was in the parade as an athlete, as was the norm, we usually had the choice of riding in the back of a pickup truck or walking the route from the police station to the golf course.

My decision was usually hinging on how far back in the parade we were-- if there were a lot of horses ahead of us in the parade, I was in the truck. If we were early in the parade, I'd walk it... we were athletes for crying out loud-- why not?

At the end of the parade we'd usually end up at the 'Taste of Bensenville' festival on the golf course-- where the parade ended. It was a think slice of small town Americana in the suburbs. You know, crafts, food, contests... fun stuff.

We'd usually go home to find most of our friends at our house-- the parents would hang out in the back yard-- drinking-- while the kids were usually in the front yard beating the crap out of each other... I mean, playing baseball or football or full contact volleyball or something... we were athletes for crying out loud-- why not?

At night, whoever was left would usually find their way into the living room and watch the Boston Pops concert until the village fireworks show. We'd run down to the ball fields, about a mile from the golf course where the show was, and watch.

That was the typical Fourth of July for me. I don't think things have changed much in Bensenville-- though only one or two of the families who used to hang together are still there. For me, a move to Omaha changed the Fourth of July.

To start, there is no parade in Omaha. Ralston has a parade, but the City of Omaha doesn't. The city, itself, barely does fireworks. The city show is uaully associated with the baseball game-- so it could be on the 3rd. Beyond that, all there is, is a loosely-enforced 'no fireworks' policy within city limits.

It's a crock.

It's not a crock that the city has a law against fireworks in public hands within city limits-- I think that's great... it's a safety thing. Like clockwork, two events happen in Omaha every Fourth of July: 1. a kid goes to the hospital after being struck by a firework, and 2. someone burns their own house down. Good times.

Seriously, when I was growing up the only people with firecrackers and such in the neighbourhood were the delinquents and malcontents-- you know, the people whose mental capacity ended at: wow... bright light, big boom.

I honeslty don't get the attraction of blowing up part of this great country, and possibly part of your hand. It is a meaningless thing-- it makes you no more of an American, no more patriotic than me, and is a waste of money. (Though I will say that it is very interesting to see a panaramic view of everyone else's fireworks displays-- we get a great view on top of the hill.)

So for a couple years we still had the Boston Pops to look forward to. But CBS has screwed that up for everyone, too. For some reason, they don't think people want to listen to the Pops. (Matty, can I get a 'Why do you hate America?') It's been bastardized. The Pops on CBS is now a one-hour show, with the back half hour of it being the fireworks.

Forget that. I wanna hear the Pops play some patriotic music. OK, it was great to see John Mellencamp in front of the Pops-- but you only showed two songs from him, and two other songs from the Pops. How about showing the whole concert? All three hours of it! If I want to see pop stars, I'll flip over to PBS and 'A Capital Fourth'-- which hasn't been the same since Barry Bostwick stopped hosting.

So there it is, a typical Fourth for me in Omaha-- a half hour of the Pops, then out to the back porch (garden hose in hand to keep the neighbours from lighting the house on fire) and literally watch my neighbours money go up in smoke, laughing at the enforcement-- or lack there of-- of the laws of Omaha City.

God Bless America.