Does It Really Take A Government Conspiracy To Draw Me Out?

It's been a while. I'm sure anyone with enough time on their hands to care that I shut the heck up, are now saying, "oh, bloody hell, he's back.... [We] thought we won."

You can never silence me. Only I can silence myself, and I just don't have that kind of self-control.

Yeah, I know -- shock, horror.

In all honesty, sometimes there is just not enough time in the day to enjoy ranting and raving. Besides, most of it I can do in person, and that can be rewarding when you see the eyes rolling in the room.

But with the Olympics half a world away, my sleep schedule is a mess... OK, it was a mess before that, but at least I have an excuse now. So while I have some sleepless hours, why not just burst back onto the scene with the internet equivalent of blowing a load.

Wait scratch that reference, I'm not a pedophile or someone releasing sexual frustration by way of the internet... that's just wrong.

Let's just say, I haven't forgotten about all of you -- over the last seven months. I'm still here, still as opinionated as ever, and ready to fire.

Olympic Gymnasts: With that in mind, let's just roll with that last reference -- the Olympics, not the issue of sexual entertainment (though, maybe I'll talk about Gary Glitter, later).

The big story, aside from swim-freak Michael Phelps, coming out of the Beijing Olympics seems to surround the Chinese Women's Gymnastics Team, and just how old they really are. China claims they are all 16 years old-- the minimum age for eligibility. The media, including Chinese media, are report that some of them may not be.

Who are you going to believe? Maybe I'm just being an American... but I sure as hell don't believe China. It's not secret that the Gymnastics program in China is government-run, much to the same effect as the Central Red Army in the Soviet Union (and their allegedly amateur athletes).

Sure, they've provided documents to verify the alleged ages. But it's not hard for the government to doctor these documents, they are state-issued after all. Seriously, the U.S. Government could issue me a passport saying that I am Shawn Johnson of West Des Moines, Iowa. (Though, I doubt it would say I'm 16.)

What will be key, are the web documents (which have joined the ranks of the signed confessions of the 1919 Chicago White Sox) found by the Associated Press. More important will be secondary documents -- something like official rosters (or programs) from previous competitions. Just think, all of these gymnasts have probably competed in World Championships, or World Junior Championships before. This won't be rocket science -- find the official rosters from those competitions going back several years and look at the birth dates provided on those rosters. Any discrepancy, and the secret is out.

It's not far-fetched. A member of China's 2000 Olympic team admitted to be only 14 years old during the Sydney Games. The International Federation of Gymnastics banned North Korea in the 1990s when it was discovered that a gymnast was listed as 15 years old for three consecutive years. I've heard of women not wanting to turn 30... but that's just wrong.

Somewhere someone is saying, "who gives a crap, so we got beat by a bunch of 12 year olds... that's even more embarrassing."

No, it's not. The rules are rules, and they are the rules because they are in the best interest of everyone involved. The demands on the human body in gymnastics are extreme. Think of it this way -- would you teach an 8 year old baseball player to throw a curveball? No, because the body is not ready for that strain at that age.

This is the simplest argument for the age restriction, though there are others -- including mental health.

But, before I leave you for the evening, I want to leave you with a little bit of humor. In the AP story reprinted on both ESPN.com and TSN.ca -- the final line was a quote attributed to the Chinese coach: "It's not just me. The parents of our athletes are all very indignant," Lu said. "They have faced groundless suspicion. Why aren't they believed? Why are their children suspected? Their parents are very angry."

There are two ways to call bully on that quote. I'll let you choose.

1. B.S. -- The gymnasts are taken from their families at young ages to be entered into this government program (much like the Romanians used to). They are, for all intents and purposes, orphans. (Or upset about losing their children eight years ago.)

Or 2. B.S. -- The parents are upset, but only because their status and higher-class lifestyles are now in jeopardy if their children are running the risk of not being a part of the national team.

I really hope this one gets settled soon. Let's not drag this out like Floyd Landis' Tour de France victory disqualification... or even the results of the 2000 Sydney Games, where some results are still pending. Get the answers, render the verdict, and move on.