A Whirlwind Of Emotion

Really, I just need somewhere to speak my mind, talk about this, and maybe get the comfort of some friends.

Yes. It is old news by now. I know it made CNN, so I'm fairly sure it made national headlines. If you can't tell already, it has me pretty shaken up. Today's shooting at Westroads Mall in Omaha hits pretty close to home in both the literal and physical sense. So I promise you this is going to be a very emotional blog.

This is how my day went.

I spend my Wednesdays as the Floor Director (Stage Manager) for 'The Omaha News' a weekly news broadcast from the University of Nebraska at Omaha. That is where I was when the first reports of two dead at Westroads came in.

Then it hit me. I drive past the mall almost every day -- obviously I've shopped there. I have several friends who work in the mall. I am happy to report that all of them are fine... except one. The problem is, I can't remember which of my friends it is... and she works (or at one time worked) at Von Maur, where this all went down.

Yeah, I'm panicking. I spent about an hour calling pretty much everyone in my cell phone -- some I hadn't called in a couple of years. I'm sure I scared one or two of them. In fact, I know I did... cuz after no answer, I got a quick call back from her mother -- and after I explained what I was going through, all was good on that front.

I still don't know which friend it is, but the list is shrinking. I am just praying that I don't recognize any names in the newspaper. That sounds shallow, because I understand that many people are deal with losses right now.

Realizing that we did have breaking news, I did volunteer to go to the scene to report for the newscast. Fortunately, Eric Iverson was able to go -- and there is a lighter side of the story in that.

But the effects were setting in all around. Several coworkers were shaken, including one who used to work at Von Maur -- and was unable to contact a friend who still works there. I could tell she was a mess. So every time I walked by her, I gave her a hug. It was the least I could do for a friend.

We went on with the broadcast -- five confirmed dead at this point -- and as you can imagine it was total chaos. People in the control room calling to get information. Employees flipping out phones during commercial breaks to call family and friends. And, oh yeah, trying to script the next segment of a newscast.

At one point my boss' wife called. She happens to work at Creighton Medical Center, which happened to be the Trauma Center du joir in Omaha. The report from her was nine dead at this point. Hoping we could actually scoop the local affiliates. What a coupe that would have been.

The problem is, you get insider information, unconfirmed. Do you go with it? If you're wrong there will be ramifications. But I felt we could have been safe saying: "[We] have an unconfirmed report from Creighton Medical Center stating that at this time nine people are dead from the Westroads shooting." You take the risk, but you use 'unconfirmed report' as a safety net. I was overruled -- and probably rightly so.

If only we had known that was accurate. Here's the kicker: at 10:00, I watched one of the local affiliates. They had been talking to the University of Nebraska Medical Center (who Creighton began diverting victims to). The question I have is: If Creighton was the Trauma Center for the day, why weren't the local affiliates going there for information first? We could have broken the story wide open. We were in the right place, and we had accurate information.

Elation at the thought of being able to scoop the 'pros', upset that we didn't go with it, disappointment to find out the report was accurate, and then back to reality: people dead and a newscast to finish out.

Then comes the aftermath. I find out that I know more people that work at the mall. Others who were shopping there, and it sets in... I could have been there (and not as a reporter... I mean Christmas Shopping).

So as the Omaha News crew assembled at a local eatery, we sat down to watch the continuing live coverage on TV. When the report of the suicide note, and the statement 'going out in style' was read three words crossed my mind: suicide by cop.

Now I'm pissed off. First of all, my brother is a cop. My sister-in-law was in the academy, and dropped out when she came to realize that given the opportunity in a life-or-death situation, she could not pull the trigger. Using the police to kill yourself is wrong. Hell, taking out eight other people is wrong.

It may sound bad, but if you want to kill yourself... fine. But don't go messing with other people. You are already going to mess up your friends and family, there is no need -- zero -- for you to make other innocent people suffer because you can't take the reality of life anymore. That upsets me more than anything else. Right now eight families have been shredded, and for no reason whatsoever. Some jackball loses his job, loses his mind, and takes it out on people he doesn't even know. And lets not forget the hundreds or thousands of other people who you terrified, who were scared.

So where do we go from here. We must move on. Like 9/11, like a school shooting, like a plane crash, like anything else we must learn from it, but not let it derail us from our daily lives. We can not be afraid to go into malls.

We must pray for the victims. We must pray for their families. We must pray for their friends. We must pray for each other. And we must pray that events like these can be prevented, and be prevented without a major inconvenience to the daily routines of the average American.

Please keep them all in your prayers. God bless. And please remember: 'tis the season.