Sex and Candy

Happy day after Labor Day, America.

Like many of you, I've been on the road recently-- just getting back from Chicago, myself. I apologize for the month and a half-long absence, I've been on the road a bit.

And it is from the road that I have a question for everyone...

How dumb are we?

OK, loaded question. That, and I should probably narrow it down a bit more.

My preferred method of travel is by automobile-- I'm not much of a flier, and you can't get a train to go most places you want to anymore (thank you very much, Congress). Traveling by car you have the necessary stops for fueling and emptying (if you know what I mean).

It is during these stops that I've come to notice the idiocy of the world. If you travel off the beaten path enough, you'll come across some really interesting places. Some of the gas stations in these towns offer a little something extra for your traveling pleasure-- you know, condom dispensers.

Now, I get the point of the existence of these wonders of rusted aluminum. Some people are just too embarrassed to buy condoms in person. I tend to agree. It is nobody's business if I'm sexually active. So, privacy is the way to go. Better to have them available, then not.

But what I question is the variety of these instruments of preventative measures-- specifically color and flavor.

Really? Is that quite necessary?

What is the point?

Let's start with color. One machine I saw this weekend pitched its product by 'increasing the visual aspect' or something like that....

WHAT VISUAL? Do you honsetly think anyone is going to be looking to see what color of condom you're wearing? Unless there is one powerful light on it, nobody is going to see it. I doubt it will light up the inside of your partner. Come to think of it, the only person who will be able to see it, is probably you-- and shouldn't you be focused on your partner?

Some of you prefer the dark-- unless is glows in the dark, you can't see it. So tell me, what is the point?

Then there is the flavored variety. Again, what is the point?

To start, why would anyone put a condom in their mouth? Do you really believe what they teach in catholic high schools: that you can get pregnant from oral sex? Hate to break it to you, but those are different systems of the body. ...Unless of course, your drinking something you shouldn't be....

But beyond that, condoms break. And when they do, don't they become a choking or suffocation hazard? You shouldn't go sucking on plastic bags, or balloons, or latex gloves-- nor should you put any of them over your head... the one on your shoulders, you sicko.

So why a condom?

Either someone has the intellect of America pegged perfectly, or someone is just a moron.

As always, I want to hear what you think, America. Does anyone else see anything wrong, here? Or is this just a laugh?