The Price is Wrong

What has this country come to?

First, I'd like to apologize to my avid readers, who have had to suffer through the pain of two weeks without access to my great view of the world from the end of the bench. Between a visit from a friend from out of town, and then the first week of classes for the semester, not to mention a 15-hour hour day of editting a television show.

...and then of course, the flu.

...if only I had know the worst was yet to come. I spent most of Saturday night-- and all of Sunday-- in bed, not strong enough to go elsewhere. I was so wiped out physically I didn't even turn off my television last night.

What this meant, was that when I woke up, I woke up to the sounds of 'The Price Is Right'. I think that made me even sicker.

Growing up, I watched 'The Price Is Right' regligiously. I wanted to be Bob Barker-- well, I wanted to host the show... I didn't want to be a dirty 1,000-year old pervert. Besides, I was like 4-years old, which meant it was the mid-80s and Barker's Beauties back them... some of them looked like clowns.

Everyone had their favourite games. I loved Plinko, the Punchboard, and the Shell Game... and I certainly couldn't get enough of the Big Wheel. And then to follow it up, that had 'Press You Luck' and 'Match Game'-- but those are days gone by, and you don't want to get me started on Peter Tomarken and the Whammies, or Charles Nelson Riley... another day, perhaps.

Apparently some things have changed since I started going to school. And I just got to say: WHAT THE FUCK?

Apparently a few things have changed since I started going to school. Like the dumbening of the entire nation.

Another one of the great games, was Three Strikes. For those of you who have jobs, and lack a television at your work desk, the game consists of 8 chips-- 5 good (one for each number in the price of a car, and 3 bad (strikes). Say you draw four numbers to start the game. You now have a 1-in-4 chance of drawing the last number, and three chances to do it. Today, there is only 1 bad chip in the entire bag. Under the same circumstance, you know have a 1-in-2 chance of pulling that last number, and still three chances to do it in. They've made the game easier.

Then there is Hole In One. It's like mini-golf without the windmill. It is a game where you try to pick items in ascending order of their price. The more you get right, the closer to the hole you can putt from. Bob Barker is always willing to show off his mad golf skills, and does a demostration putt from the furthest possible place on the green-- it's like a 20 foot putt with no slope, no windmill, no wind, no hazzard, and a wall behind the hole for the ball to rebound off of. (Even AJ can make that putt). You used to get one shot at it. Now they call the game Hole In One Or Two.

Give me a fucking break. Why not just make it a downhill putt with the hole at the bottom of a cone?

Can we make these games any easier?

I am all for the expanded budgets of game shows. I'm sure they like it when people win. Of course, when I was little, I wanted to see people win new cars.

Now?

Well, now I like to see people fuck up the most mundane activities in the world. People who are idoits, unable to do a little handle the pressure of being under the big lights. There shall be no more rewarding people for psychotic behavior on my watch-- you know how that works, the people who get on that show are the ones who act the most like idiots in the line waiting to get in, get on the show to do the same.

I'm still waiting for some guy to run up to Bob Barker and stick his tongue down his throat-- Froemming, that sounds like it's right up your alley. Go to Burbank, go have a couple shots with Brian Setzer, and have at it with Bob. I know he's not Hugh Hefner, but this will get you noticed.

It's either that, or you fuck up that 3-foot putt, throw the golf club, tell Bob "the price is wrong, bitch", and knock him out. Your choice.

In the mean time, I weep for the future of our nation. The greatest days daytime television has seen, are gone.