Just a Bunch of Tree-hugging Hippie Crap

To all you environmental tree-huggers: I'm sorry...
To all you technological geeks: keep trying...

Your dreams for a paper-free world are futile.

I know, it was this great idea, it was supposed to be that computers would free us from the burdensome stacks of paper on our desks, and save the trees. I am very much a pro-enviornment person, but I know we will never be free from paper. Let me outline it for you with a couple reasons.

Memos. Email is great and all, but sometimes the only way to get your message to someone in a hurry is to post a note on their desk. Sending an email implies to many things-- that that person is at their desk, that they are going to check their email, and that they have access to that email. A memo can be walked down the hall, placed in sight where whoever is going to see it and respond to it.

Why do I bring up this point? UNO has stopped mailing their U-Bills to students. Now, they send you an email, and you must go to the registration website to print off your bill.

This is the worst idea I have ever heard. First, I do not check my school email account with any regularity. When I do check it, often times I am not at home. And what if I don't have time to go print off the bill, I'm likely to forget about it, and the next time I go check that email account, it is burried in other emails. Just send me the damn bill, I'll hand it off to my personal accountant, the bill will get paid on time, and everyone will live happily ever after.

Second example... Toilet Paper. A necessity in the posh world we live in. OK, there are people who use leaves, or have other means, but toilet paper is the ONLY practical means of cleaning your arse following a movement. It is disposable, it is eco-friendly, its more sanitary than any other way.

Believe me, I was trying to think of an alternative. The closest I got was a bidet. But it is not the proper use for a bidet. Besides, I am not comfortable with shooting water up my bum-- EXIT ONLY. Others might be more comfortable with that idea, maybe too comfortable-- but not me. Toilet paper is the way to go.

Finally, there is the harsh reality. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. What do you do with emails and other projects you work on with your computer? You print them off. We use more paper now, than we did before computers became common place. We print off our final reports, we print off emails to remind us to finish those reports, we print off our online sources for information, so that we have them ready to use while we do our work. You can't avoid it.

I really wish there was more we could do. Plant some trees, and recycle-- that's all we got. Control what you destroy, but understand that through necessity comes sacrifice. I hope there comes a time when a paper-free world can exist, but it just does not seem possible.

In the mean time, stop being a 'spinner'-- control your use of toilet paper. The world depends on it.