Hazed and Confused

OK, class. Take your seats. I am your prof for the day, Dr. Sam. Now, take out a pencil, and prepare for a pop quiz.


Question #1: The men's lacrosse team is throwing a party. How many of them are going to rape the stripper?


Question #2: The women's soccer team is conducting their hazing ritual. Where can you expect to see the pictures?


Question #3: In the last year, how many college sports teams have held parties where any number of laws have been broken?


Question #4: How many of those teams have been caught?


Question #5: How many of those stories made headlines in the media?

OK, pencils down.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm pissed. I just don't know what about. Am I mad because athletes and celebrities seem to have a "Get Out of Jail Free" card more often than the rest of us? Am I upset that college students can be some fucking stupid as to hold these rituals? Am I totally pissed that there are other incidents that go totally unnoticed? Am I furious that these bad apples are giving others a bad reputation?

Can I be outraged for all the aforementioned reasons?

This is fucking ludicrous. Duke lacrosse, Northwestern soccer, Vermont hockey, Plattsmouth HS football-- it's not just one group, it's an epidemic. And it really needs to end.

Apparently if you play lacrosse at Duke, and rape a stripper (and violate your terms of probation at the same time), the women's team will show full support for you and support your innocence.

Wake the fuck up, ladies. If it was one of you being raped, you'd be singing a different tune. Hookers have feelings, too.

And the lacrosse team is not the first team to have an entire season wiped out for lude behaviour. Look no further than the Vermont hockey team's "Elephant Walk" hazing ritual of a couple seasons ago. They lost their entire season, too.

"But they lost their chance for a national championship!" Boo fucking Hoo. They forfeited their right to play. Even is the hooker is crying wolf, how many other laws were broken? Underage drinking is a crime, too-- and still a violation of the probation laid out for the "upright citizens" who have prior convictions. As far as I'm concerned, they can sit in jail for a while... and see what kind of hazing rituals the inmates have for them.

The bigger farce is that some of these teams get no punishment, or a slap on the wrist. Northwestern's team (and, I don't believe it's over for them yet) thus far has only had to offer a public apology. Wow. Last year, a few members of the Bowling Green State men's hockey team were suspended for 4 games for a hazing incident. And on a local level, a football player in Plattsmouth, Nebraska was found innocent of sexual assault on a teammate, after sticking a finger up the kid's ass. Why? Because the victim was still wearing his underwear, and as such there "could have been no penetration through his underwear."

It's a crock of shit.

I want to know how many other teams have gotten off the hook, or why I haven't heard of these other incidents I have found through research: Catholic University Women's Lacrosse, Quinnipiac University Men's Baseball, Wake Forest Women's Volleyball, Fordham University Softball, University of Michigan Men's Lacrosse. The list goes on. And they think it is acceptable behaviour.

It's not like it is hard to avoid unacceptable behaviour. I kept my nose clean through four years of high school, a year at Iowa State, two years of junior hockey, and a half-season at Nebraska-Omaha.

It's not hard. It's called motivation. I knew, if I got out of line, any chance I ever had of playing or earning a scholarship would be gone. Even the accusation could be enough, so I made it my goal to not put myself in such a situation. I'm still convinced that my token appearance on UNO's hockey roster was a reward from above for working my ass off, never giving up, and conducting myself in a professional manner no matter what the situation was.

And yet, I think I'm even more pissed off because of the effect college stupidity has taken on my best friend. Four players of a college volleyball team get MIP'd at a party thrown by the football team. Two of the players were thrown off the team, one transfered, and the last quit rather than face the consequesnces. Could have been a great opportunity for my friend (who was not in attendance at the party) to solidify her spot on the roster... except that one of those players who was thrown off the team has been given her spot back. How fair is that? And she didn't have to go through the punishment, like the rest of the team.

If I were my friend, I'd be pissed, too. And I'd probably consider quitting like she is. I don't blame her. That is not justice.

But the bigger issue, is the problem itself. It needs to end. There is no reason for hazing, and team-bonding at underage drinking parties. People forget that participating in athletics is a privalage-- you are not born with the right to participate. Stop taking it for granted.

Maybe athletics (professional and collegiate) should be like the presidency-- a felony forfeits your eligibility. Think about it. Kids want to look up to these athletes... and maybe they could, if they weren't morons.