Mariotti, You Fucking Fag

Ozzie Guillen was right. Jay Mariotti is a fucking moron. And so anybody else who is calling for Bruce Arena's termination as head coach of the U.S. National Soccer Team. Obviously you people don't understand the situation.

Yeah, so the U.S. was eliminated in the First Round of the World Cup. At least we were there-- we are still among the top 32 teams in the world. Did we expect better-- yes, we had very high hopes after 2002... but how smart were you for that? Let me put it this way, times change, teams change, the world changes, and on any given day any team can win. As was the case in Group E-- the Group of Death.

Let's look at this a bit more intelligently. The U.S. was divied up with perrenial power Italy who are always a threat to win the tournament, the #2 ranked team in the world (Czech Republic), and the highest ranked team from Africa. That is a tough draw. If you want it in other sports concepts, it's like having the 2005 Chicago White Sox playing against the 1927 Yankees, the 1934 Gas House Gang (Cardinals), and the 1919 Black Sox... or like having to choose between Vlatislav Tretiak, Ken Dryden, Tony Esposito, and Martin Brodeur (you didn't honestly think I'd go without a hockey reference, did you?). Anybody from the group could be the one.

Did we play our best soccer? No. But considering where the U.S. National Team was 16 years ago (when a bunch of college kids were lucky to qualify and were eventually manhandled by Italy, Czechoslovakia, and Austria--look familiar?) we are making serious progress. And we still took a couple of step forwards in this World Cup. We earned our first point in a World Cup in Europe. Sounds mundane, but if the team hasn't done it before, it goes down as progress.

And in earning that point, we saw the greatness that was Bruce Arena as a coach. The U.S. faced a monstrous challege, playing short two men (while the Italians were short one man). Arena could have made one last substitution, but he didn't. Don't, for a minute, think he should have made that change. Let's look at this in a team perspective. Those 9 gentlemen who ended the game on the field give everything they had, the came together as a unit, and gave us every reason to be proud of them-- shit, they damn near won the game and made a World Cup first. Making that final change might have disrupted that, and Arena knew it. He knew what he was doing.

As we look forward to 2010 and South Africa, I have no doubt that Bruce Arena is the right man to lead our National Team. If we fail to qualify, then you can come looking for his head.

Back to Mariotti, there is a reason you work for a third-rate news paper (hell, even the suburban Daily Herald is more repsected than the Sun-Times). It's because you are a no-talent, know-nothing bag of hot air. For him to call out the manager of the defending World Champions (Guillen), and then go on ESPN calling for Arena's head-- when it was blatantly obvious he doesn't understand soccer at all-- is astounding.

Mr. Mariotti, what makes you think you are any sort of an authority on anything, with the possible exception of being an idiot? Shut the fuck up. You, Stephen A. Smith, Travis Justice, and Simon Cowell need to get the fuck off my television set, and disappear from society. You're Done.

You can't expect the American people to fully understand soccer when fucknuts like you only car about squeakball and football. Make an attempt to round out your mind, not just your body. You make me ashamed to be a journalist.

The Horror... The Horror

So the Army has decided to change their uniforms. And my first thought is... this would not have been possible before the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell..." policy took effect. Wouldn't commenting on the fashion of the military pretty much out them?

Honestly, who gives a fuck? As long as they're not goose-stepping with metal pikes on top of their heads, I don't see how what the military wears is any concern of any person in this nation-- Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, Coast Guard, or civilian.

But if you really want a debate about this-- and I'm sure some of you do-- I'd be willing to shoot down any ideas you might have about this, if only so I can extend my blog into it's traditonal 14,000-word, have to get up to go the bathroom four times while reading, somebody make it end, how long can this guy go on about nothing length.

Veterans are pissed because it means an the end of the tradtional drab green they've come to know and love. I actually read one veteran refer to the "pinks and greens"-- he is so outed, now.

Traditional? Let's think about this for a moment. The actual traditional colour for the Army of the United States of America is blue. It was the colour General Washington chose during the American Revolution-- the start of American Armed Forces History-- to differentiate from the tea-taxing, dental hygiene-hating, lime-sucking Redcoats. When we speak of the American Civil War we don't talk about the Olive Drab Green and the Whatever We Found In Our Closet-- it was the Blue and the Grey.

So if you're going to make that arguement, you must be prepared to answer questions about how the veterans of those wars felt when we switched to green. And quite honestly, you don't know-- all you care about is yourself and the trauma you suffered in Vietnam or the Persian Gulf. Don't forget, veterans in other wars suffered the same, they just didn't have a hyphenated, eight-syllable term for it.

And if you really want to continue to wear green, fine-- wear your camouflage. You still have your brush cammies-- which are green-- to go along with your sand cammies (brown) and your seldom-used ice cammies-- which, by the way, are blue and white. And you can always jump into your green tanks or jeeps and drive away.

So in all seriousness, can anybody come up with a decent reason why any of us should care that the army is doing away with green?

When Will It End?

This is just a little troublesome for me, being a college student looking at a career in broadcasting, but is there anyone else out there who refuses to believe anything someone says on television while being interviewed?

This goes far beyond Ann Coulter and her stonethrowing, I'm talking more on a local level.

You know what I'm talking about... little Johnny from down the street walks into McDonalds and pumps 12 people full of lead, and his best friend's parents are on the news talking about how little Johnny "was a perfect child, and would never do anything like that."

Yeah, ok. And you didn't bust his ass for smoking weed 4 years ago, either.

Or when Bobby (probably from the same street) gets popped while walking the streets at 3 am. There are his parents on television talking about how he was the nicest boy, and he had no enemies. "Who could do such a thing?"

Wrong. Bobby probably had many enemies, and excluding exgirlfriends and guys whose girlfriends Bobby knocked up-- I'm willing to be he stumbled across someone's royal pissing ground on his 3 am stroll... and he probably knew he was.

And of course, who can ignore the hear-wrenching stories of warwidows and the parents of servicemen killed in combat. I'm geting tired of hearing how the recently deceased enlisted because he loved his country.

Bullshit. Not everyone is that patriotic. Seriously. Some enlist to get away from the streets where Johnny and Bobby met their fates. Others joined because it was the only way they were gonne be able to get an education.

Yes, some join to defend this nation-- wait, let me say that into my cell phone so the President hears this-- join to DEFEND this nation, a source of great pride among many people. But everytime someone dies, you have the parents on television with the tradional canned "he loved his country" speech.

You're in denial. Stop lying to us, and tell us what you really think. You get about a week where this country will let you say anything you want and chalk it up to grief-- spill you guts. Shit, even Ms. Coulter will let you slide in that first week.

Stop with the act. The credability of this nation is already ar an all time low-- we can't trust the President, we can't trust our commerical executives, can't trust the newspapers, and now we can't believe what the television tells us.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in a world where you can't believe a television.