The Scariest Thing in the World

OK, its Halloween. And of course there is something about this Pagan ceremony that makes us want to scare the twizzlers out of each other. So I was just thinking... what is the scariest thing to ever happen to me?

And I worked my way down a list... for a long time I was afraid of flying-- I still don't like to fly, but I don't have any horror stories, yet. There was 9/11... but my first thought on that was that it was just "War of the Worlds" all over again-- I mean, I was listening on the radio as I was moving from Cincinnati to Peoria. There is the story about how I've met some women, but my fear was irrational-- I think the fear was for the women.

And then there was this morning...

We took my car to the mechanics for an oil change, and to have a sensor light checked-- I was hoping it was just a short in the wire. Instead, I find out it's time for new breaks. So, for the day, I am without my car. And I miss my car. I miss my car a lot more than I did at 9.00 this morning when I left it at the mechanics.

So, my mommy drove me to school today. How sweet of her. Well, I thought so, until I actually got in the car. I hadn't ridden in a car driven by my mom for a couple years-- if I'm out with my parents, dad drives, and when he gets tired, I drive. But I can now say that riding in a car driven by my mom, is the scariest thing I have ever experienced.

My mom is "Leadfoot Lisa" if there ever was one. Let me just say, I have driven a race car before-- and the first rule of driving a race car is: "you are always on a pedal." You are either on the gas, or you are on the breaks. My mother takes this to a new extreme. She does not ease onto a pedal, she just drops the flippin hammer on it.

By the time we got to the bottom of the hill, I moved my seat all the way back, just so I didn't bounce my head off the dashboard.

Then we get into traffic. And my mom is lane-jumping, weaving in and out of traffic, cursing, swearing, flipping the bird, calling everyone 'morons'. And I'm just like, talk about the pot and the kettle.

Then, she blew through the red light. No even close. I'm not even sure she saw it. Fortuantely there was no cross traffic.

She then procedes to attempt to pass a car turing right off the street. So she drag races the car next to her, doesn't signal, and cuts of the car she was racing. Oh yeah, the turning car-- couldn't have been more than 6 inches from the front corner of the car.

At this point, I call my professor-- told her I wouldn't be in class today, cuz I'm going to be dead by the time I get to campus. Yes, my life was flashing before my eyes.

Then her cell phone rings. "No, I'll get it." No way in the world I'm letting this crazed woman answer a cell phone while driving-- she can barely keep the car on the road as it is.

"Karen's phone... ... ... I'm sorry, she's busy roadraging right now, can I take a message and have her get back to you?"

Her boss starts laughing.

Seriously, my mother is a school nurse. A health care professional. Is this how they stay in business? They send my mom out to drive like a maniac-- causing broken bones, concussions, heart attacks, strokes, and possibly even motion sickness? (I'm beginning to wonder if my childhood days of motion sickness might have been caused by her driving.)

So we get to campus, in record time-- something like 37 seconds (for a 6 1/2 mile drive). And I'm breathing into a paper bag. And as I get out of the car, I tell my mother: "I don't ever want to hear you complain about my driving, again."

So, as a friend, I ask you. Can somebody please give me a ride home from school?