Girls Not Welcome?

For an open-wheel racing fan like me, May is the best month of the year. What does May mean to me? May means Indy-- a full month of buildup for the only race that matters, the Indianapolis 500.

Daytona sucks-- hell they race there twice in a season. And who cares about a bunch of beered-up rednecks watching another bunch of fucking rednecks do nothing but turn left in overpriced, overhyped hunks of metal.

NASCAR sucks-- again, rednecks, rednecks, and fucking rednecks. You can put the names of everyday cars on those pieces of shit, we know it's just a name-- the cars are all stock. There is zero technology in NASCAR-- none. At least Open-wheel racing brings in new technology-- we're talking turbochargers, carbon fibre, power steering, traction control, sequential gearboxes, seatbelts-- shit you see in your cars today-- it all came from open-wheel racing. Open-wheel is the breeding ground for the technology that comes back to your little Ford Escort that sits in your driveway. NASCAR is a waste-- seriously, have you ever seen a street legal car with a restrictor plate?

But the biggest problem with NASCAR is that it is nothing but "Good 'Ol Boys". It's an exclusive club. NASCAR has always been an elitist group-- racist and sexist. Look at its roots-- it started as southerners who were bootlegging-- drive as fast as you can so we can drink more alcohol sooner! Fuck, back in the 70s and 80s, NASCAR was all but unheard of in the north, racing was done under the conferderate Stars and Bars-- and it still is for the most part. Jeff Gordon is hated because he's a 'damn yankee'. Who was the last black man to have a regular ride in NASCAR? I can't remember one. When was the last time a woman ran a NASCAR race? I can only remember Shawna Robinson a couple years ago, and wasn't she Dale Earnhardt's cocktail waitress, or she went down on somebody or something to get that ride, and it wasn't a decent ride (her or the car).

I hate NASCAR with a passion. Dale Earnhardt (Jr. and Sr.), Kevin Harvick, Terry Labonte, Dale Jarret, Mark Martin-- they can all suck my left nut. You are worthless pieces of shit who need to find something better to do with your time. Fucks sakes, do you guys even know how to turn right?

That said, there are maybe four NASCAR drivers that I do cheer for when I find myself in the unfortunate situation where I can not escape NASCAR. Those four-- Tony Stewart, Robby Gordon, Christian Fittipaldi, and Casey Mears. Look at those names, all four have something in common. What is it? All open-wheelers. All four cut their teeth in real race cars. But one of them has just found himself on my shit list.

Robby Gordon-- what the fuck are you saying? In case you've missed it. And if you're a NASCAR fan you have (you might not even know about this if you follow the Indy 500). Robby Gordon feels that Indy Racing League rookie Danica Patrick has an advantage over the rest of the field. Gordon claims that he will not race in an Indy-style car unless there is a rule change because when he gets into a car, the car weighs 100 pounds more than a car with Patrick as a driver-- all cars weigh the same before being filled with fuel and having a driver placed inside of them.

First of all, if Patrick has this great advantage, why has she not won a race this season-- or last season for that matter? Secondly, are we to blame a 24-year old, 5'-0", 100-lb, prom queen because Robby Gordon spends too much time testing the new 14-billion calorie burger at Hardee's? And thirdly, where the fuck was this complaint when Sarah Fisher was racing Indy Cars a couple years ago? Sure, she was not a petite as Patrick, but she was certainly the lightest driver in the series.

Now, I understand part of what Gordon's arguement is. It's like at the Kentucky Derby where they can add weights to level the playing field. But unlike in horse racing, when it comes to cars, it's more about aerodynamics, not weight. Those two cars with the 100-pound difference in weight, will handle differently because of the forces of nature, and lighter is not necessarily faster, as Gordon claims. But when it comes to auto racing, it is always safety first, and adding weight to a driver or a car is not possible because it is not safe. Believe me, I know. I have driven Indy Cars before, I've tested for drivers who have weighed less than me-- and it causes more problems than it solves-- and it's why I no longer test cars with any regularity. I was considered "heavy" for a driver at 175 pounds, I'm now 210 pounds, and not in shape to handle such sophisticated machines. If it were as simple as shaking down a car, I'm fine, but with testing time at a premium, putting me in a car is a waste of time because you will get no accurate information when it comes to qualifying and racing set ups. And I've seen Robby Gordon in person, there is no way in hell he is 200 pounds or more (ESPN.com lists Gordon at 180 pounds). Apparently, I'm in perfect shape to get my fat ass into a stock car.

Mr. Gordon, shut your mouth-- stop talking and stop eating-- and concentrate on your own driving. I see your comments as a sign that you (and probably many others) are afraid that your little elitist world may no longer be such an exclusive club. George Mack threatened the colour barrier, and Danica Patrick is threatening the gender barrier. It would be interesting to read what Janet Guthrie has to say on how she was treated on Gasoline Alley. We know Lyn St. James was not well liked. And I witnessed the open arms with which Tony George welcomed Sarah Fisher-- and he has done the same with Danica. Of course, TG is just looking to keep his hipocrtical series afloat, and with women such as Fisher (who set the bar for Danica) and Danica being so competitive, all of a sudden there is a new group of fans in racing-- GIRLS! These girls are breaking the stereotypes, they are pioneers, and they are popular. Both Fisher (who is now actually attempting to revive her career in stock cars) and Patrick face enormous pressure from being the only well-known females in a male-dominated sport. God speed to them. I say, let them race, let them race under the rules that are laid out before them, and lets see if they can compete. What are we afraid of?